Who would be a mum today?
For millions of people, parenthood is heartfelt desire or a joyous reality. Yet many people now postpone starting a family or give up on the idea altogether. In 2025, the UK fertility rate was the lowest on record at 1.39 children per woman. The women who are having children are also having them later than previous generations of mothers. According to ONS figures, women born in 2025 are likely to have an average of one child by the time they are 36 – in comparison with their mothers who, on average, started a family at age 26.
The prospect of fewer, older mothers is a concern for many. Those interested in demographics worry about who is going to look after a population who are living longer, often with complex health needs. Those working in healthcare worry that increasing numbers of women are putting off having children based on shaky insurance policies like egg freezing, with many suffering disappointment when the time comes to try for a baby. And while conservatives might articulate more full-throated concerns about the valuation of family life and women’s roles as mothers, the fact that fewer babies are being born seems to be a concern across the political spectrum.
Why are women, on average, having children a decade later than their mothers? While financial concerns about the cost of living or lack of housing can feel like an easy explanation, for many that doesn’t cut it. Children have always been born in hard times. Perhaps there are cultural reasons behind this seeming aversion to motherhood, aside from a generation of modern, independent women unwilling to put their careers on hold.
More than ever, motherhood seems like a daunting project. From exclusive breastfeeding to health visitors preaching the necessity of tummy time, ‘intensive parenting’ trends to NHS adverts providing expert advice on how long to play peekaboo, having a baby is a more demanding job than ever before. Despite the fact that modern technology has provided gadgets and innovations to make mums’ lives easier, from dishwashers to disposable nappies, cultural representations and discussions about motherhood are increasingly negative, with women opening up about burnout, stress and even rising claims of postnatal depression.
A more general trend of isolation in society has also taken its toll on parenthood, with the old days of mums hanging out together at playgroups largely a thing of the past. More working mums means less of a social scene around motherhood. Is this simply a difficult consequence of a benefit of modern life: that women can and do choose to do something other than hold the baby? Or are we putting women off by making motherhood miserable when it doesn’t need to be, adding extra work and stress to a job that should be joyful? Is it even our business if women decide whether to have kids or not, or should it be society’s job to make it easier to have a family?
